I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
