I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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