Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
The air taste purple.
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