The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
