someone threw a dead crab at me
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
