i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
