i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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