I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
