5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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