the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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