The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
