I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Randomize
