apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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