DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
