Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
