I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
