If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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