isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
