You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
When are your genitals available?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
