Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
