there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
