They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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