Me too!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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