He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
