I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
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So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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