Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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