He told me they were just razor bumps!
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
