I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
