Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
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I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
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he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
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