i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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