Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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