this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
