Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
