Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
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Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
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Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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