his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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