there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
