Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
