I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
