Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
