ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
