your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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