So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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