I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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