lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
