"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
