I wanna bring you to show and tell
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
