Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
