At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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