Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
