What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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