i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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