I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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