I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
