capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
