Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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