after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
