I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
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