the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
