last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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