I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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