they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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