Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
