somebody snuck up and got me drunk
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
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He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
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Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
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