Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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