I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
