Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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