the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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