When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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