Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
