new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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