I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
