the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
