Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
my poor anus
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
