I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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